Review Recap

The semester has mercifully drawn to a close and so has my journey through the bars of Lowell. Obviously, I will continue to visit the city’s bars in the future, but no longer with the eye of a critic bent on finds pros and cons. This is a somewhat sad realization because I really did enjoy the process of rating each different bar on my own criteria.  As I stated in my initial post, I think you can learn a lot about a city from its bars. Months later, I stand by that statement and would add that you being a critic helps you learn more. It forced me to pay attention to details rather than mindlessly chug beers (which I’ve already done enough of in my life). This opened my senses to a diverse city where the unexpected can often be expected.  Here are some highlights and lowlights as a recap:

Highlights

Even though New Orleans is far from Lowell, the pinnacle of my semester of bar hopping was definitely Bourbon Street. Decadent and absurd, this famous street was like nothing I’ve ever seen. It was almost a sensory overload as I attempted to soak in all the ridiculousness in a three day span. There were some highlights in Lowell as well, including Beer Works and the Back Page. Beer Works had the best beer (hence the name), but I think the Back Page was my favorite overall bar. The music scene and laid back vibe converge for a cool atmosphere…I just wish it was a little cheaper.

Lowlights

The term “lowlights” may have a negative connotation, but I mean it in an endearing way because these pathetic moments provided a lot of humor. I still can’t get the image of Wednesday night karaoke at Finn’s Pub out of my head. Listening to such blatantly terrible singers croon to a nearly empty bar had me in stitched and I’ll have to make a return trip. While Finn’s was bad, it was far from the worst. That honor goes to Charlie’s Pub without a doubt.

 

It’s crazy to think that I barely scratched the surface of Lowell’s bars with this blog. I can think of a least five other establishments off the top of my head that I didn’t get to visit. Maybe I’ll have to independently forge onward to complete a full review. I’ll have to take winter break to rest up and regain resources before anything though.

Back Home at Fibber McGee's

  As is the unspoken custom of Thanksgiving eve, I went out a bar in my hometown of Beverly, MA. I have a pretty strong aversion to high school reunion type scenarios and I don’t really understand why so many people prefer to eat their turkey hung over, but I was convinced to visit Fibber McGee’s with a few old friends.

  I was immediately surprised that the relatively small bar was packed wall to wall with Beverly townies. Fibber’s had the congested feel of “party” type bars like Smokehouse in Lowell, but no actual dancing involved. Trying to navigate from one side of the bar to the other did provide the awkward physical contact with random people customary in party bars though.

  It was encouraging to find that very few people from my high school class were at Fibber’s, so I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. Fibber’s seemed to house more of a late 20s crowd who were enjoying drinks as a break from real jobs rather than a break from college. It made me realize that I’m dangerous close to joining the post-grad demographic, which was a thought I quickly repressed.

  The beers were decently priced and I snagged a couple Blue Moon’s at $5 each. Attempting to add to the party vibe, Fibber’s also offered jello shots and “mystery shots.” (The mystery shot turned out to be cheap whiskey, which I happen to be a connoisseur of). After sampling those, I made a quick departure and went home.

  I can’t say I despised Fibber’s, but I can’t really say I liked it much either. I think there’s something bar hopping in my home town that is a bit off-putting. It’s because I remember walking past these places as a kid and now I’m drinking beers in them. I know that 22 is not old, but it felt that way at Fibber’s.

Cheapness: 3

Beer Selection: 3

Atmosphere: 3.5

General Crowd: 2
Romantic Potential: 2.5

A Hidden Gem at the Back Page

Adjacent to the canal of downtown Lowell and under the towering shadow of the Inn and Conference Center sits the Back Page. This unassuming establishment has been one of the most pleasant surprises of my Lowell bar hopping experience.

The music scene at the Back Page is the best I've seen in Lowell thus far. Rather than pulling random semi-drunk amateurs from the crowd, this bar gets some legitimate talent. Every time I've been to the Back Page, the bands have killed it and this trip was no different. The best part may be that the crowd actually listens to all the bands and appreciates the performance. This makes sense because music is the main attraction of the place.

As I observed the patrons of the Back Page, I realized I was wading deeper into the waters of hipster culture than I have in any of my previous late night excursions. I can't say that's really my scene, but any place that prominently features obscure music tends to draw that crowd. Contrary to popular belief, some of these hipsters were pretty friendly and open to conversation with two somewhat disheveled college students.

I'm referencing specifically to one woman whom my friend and I met outside the bar. LaQuisha willingly shared her "silly cigarette" with us and talked about her aspirations of making it big in NYC. As we passed the "silly cigarette" she read us a selection of her poetry and we discussed the artistic merits of writing. This was probably the most stereotypically hipster experience of my life and I laugh thinking back on it, but I always enjoy mingling with the bar crowd.

As is the case with most classier bars, the drinks were on the pricier side.We ordered one Harpoon each and that was all our barren wallets could handle. This was also a tell-tale sign that I'm coming to the end of both the semester and my journey through Lowell's bars. The waitress was very understanding of my plight, however, and told me I should apply for a bar back job. The hospitality was appreciated, but I told her that I wouldn't trust myself in that role.

Despite my dwindling resources, I hope to soldier on and finish my bar reviews strong...the Back Page has spurred me on.

Cheapness: 2
Beer Selection: 4
Atmosphere: 4.5
General Crowd: 4
Romantic Potential: 3.5

Bar Hopping Bourbon Street

I know that  the objective of this blog has been to shed light upon the myriad bars in Lowell. However, I had a review opportunity that I could not pass up. That opportunity came in the form of a trip to New Orleans and a few nights spent on the infamous Bourbon Street. Obviously, I had previously heard of Bourbon Street and all its bead throwing, boob flashing Mardi Gras glory, but I was set form my own opinion of this place.

Bourbon Street on a typical Thursday night.

I think the most important point to make about Bourbon Street before going into details is that public drinking is not only allowed, but encouraged. This demolished all barriers to bar hopping that I've been accustomed to and created an environment unlike any I've ever seen. Driving a car down Bourbon on Thursday or Friday night was impossible because the street was overflowing with people. The action was non-stop and I remember standing wide-eyed at the beginning of the street while taking in my surroundings.



"Big Beer" huts dotted the street selling big beers (who would have guessed?) in plastic cups for $3. I remember dropping by one of these huts and receiving some valuable advice from two scruffy men. As they pumped Bud Light out of the keg, the men warned me not to "get swallowed up" by Bourbon Street. They regaled me with tales of women who lost their money and turned into roaming prostitutes in hopes of funding a trip back home. I was fairly certain these stories were about as credible as the alcohol licenses of the imaginative men, yet the sexual depravity of Bourbon Street was hard to deny.

New Orleans seems to know what guys like.

Strip clubs lined the streets as scantily clad women and slick club promoters tried to entice drunken tourists to take a walk on the wild side. New Orleans is a city unashamed of itself. The good, the bad and the ugly are all on display for the world to see. One moment I was admiring the charming architecture of the various creole cottages and the next I was watching a cross-dresser dance on the hood of a taxi. Inhibitions were thrown out the window for most visiting tourists as I was hit on by multiple middle-aged women.

What better place to observe the craziness than from a balcony?

Bourbon Street's equivalent of fast food consisted of pizza slices and daiquiris. The signature drink of these establishments was a frozen concoction dubbed "The World's Strongest Drink." That is a pretty big claim to make, so I had to test it for legitimacy. The drink tasted and looked like green Hawaiian Punch spiked with vodka --- a  formidable combination. I may have actually called this the world's strongest drink if I hadn't purchased a drink the previous night called "The Gator Bite" at Huck Finn's Pub. This behemoth of a beverage included orange and pineapple juice, coconut rum, peach schnaps, Blue Curacao and, to top it off, Everclear (which I thought was illegal). After drinking this thing and attempting to function like a normal human being, I concluded that The Gator Bite was definitely the strongest drink I've ever had.

During my visit to New Orleans, I must have been in over a dozen different bars, so reviewing one specifically is difficult. Two of my favorites were the Old Absinthe House and Lafitte's Blacksmith Shop. Constructed in the early 1700s, Lafitte's is regarded as the oldest bar in the United States. Pictures of celebrities adorn the walls of the antiquated bar that had connection to piracy and smuggling centuries ago. The Absinthe House was equally historical and my only disappointment was that I forgot to try absinthe while I was there.

Three nights were not enough for me to experience Bourbon Street to the fullest. I'm not sure if three months would be enough either. This was one of the craziest places I've ever visited and just to say that I've been bar hopping on this famous street means a lot. I'm also glad I made it back in one piece and that I was coherent enough to remember most of my experiences in New Orleans.

Cheapness: 2.5
Beer Selection: 3.5
General Crowd: 5
Atmosphere: 5
Romantic Potential: depends on your definition of romance

Bring your Bros to Brogan's

I've been to Garcia Brogan's on two separate occasions in the past weeks and I think those brief, albeit hazy, recollections can combine to form a decent bar review.

My combination of experiences is fitting for a Bar known for being a hybrid of Mexican and Irish. The food, drinks and atmosphere all conform to this duality of cultures. I'm not a picky drink, so Mexican tequila and Irish whiskey both hold appeal, but I was impressed by the interior.

Garcia Brogan's is a fusion of Mexican and Irish themes.

Separated into two halves, Brogan's boasts a Irish style pub with an island bar flanked by TV's along with a Mexican themed cantina that offers more of an open dance area. I thought this was a cool and creative idea.

Unlike my trips to the gritty bars such as Finn's and Charlie's, Brogan's was much more of a college oriented establishment. The crowd was vibrant, engaged and lacking the underlying signs of broken spirit that come with living in Lowell for too long.

In terms of price, the key at Brogan's is to find the chink in their armor. And that chink comes in the form of PBR. While a Coor's Light on draft cost upwards of $5, the old stand-by, PBR, was only $2.50. Naturally, I found this opening and worked it to the fullest, ordering three PBR's while watching some MLB playoff games. Brogan's is definitely a good place to bring some friends to watch some sports or play some trivia games (which they do every Wednesday).

Overall, Brogan's occupies a unique position of being a college bar without being a "party" bar. In my eyes it maintains a level of classiness that separates from convoluted  drunkenness and hook-up heaviness that occur when a bunch of college students congregate in the same place.

Cheapness: 2.5
Beer Selection: 3
Atmosphere: 4
General Crowd: 3.5
Romantic Potential: 3.5

Karaoke Night at Finn's Pub

When it comes to bars, there are weekend crowds and then there are weekday crowds. The discrepancy between these two brands of bar-goers can often be very significant.

The cluster of people at Finn's Pub last night was so prototypical 'Wednesday' that it was hard not to laugh at times. And, to make things more interesting, it happened to be karaoke night.

By the front door of this Irish themed pub with strikingly green walls was a microphone stand for aspiring singers to serenade the sparse audience with their vocal prowess.

The fish tank at Finn's. I presume the fish is named "Finn."

A bearded guy, who apparently thought a plaid shirt and plaid shorts were a viable combo, definitely stole the show last night. His rendition of the popular song "Some Nights" by the band fun was possibly the worst thing  I've ever heard.

Swaying with the mic, this shameless singer ignored all sense of tone as he inserted his own made-up lyrics where he forgot the real ones. The climax came when he hit the high notes by literally screaming nonsense for about 15 glorious seconds. By the end, I was in stitches. This performance was so horrible, that it was awesome.

Another prime-time performer was an older man dressed in a military shirt and hat. His criticism of the plaid singer was pretty harsh, so I expected him to deliver when his turn came. He opened with the Guns N' Roses classic "Sweet Child O' Mine." His raspy voice filled with tones of subtle anguish and wisdom was able to belt out a pretty good song.

Unfortunately, he didn't quit while he was ahead. His next choice of "Closer" by Nine Inches Nails was a very questionable one. I may just be me, but I find something off putting about an old military man shouting the lyrics "I wanna fuck you like an animal" before an audience of about 10 people. After finishing his dark and uncomfortable set, he returned to his seat near my friend and I to tell us, "I think I sent the message." If the message was that he is a potential psychopath, then that message was well sent.

This was our cue to leave, so we quickly downed the rest of our beers and departed Finn's before things got weirder.

Cheapness: 3
Beer Selection: 3
General Crowd: 3
Atmosphere: 2
Romantic Potential: 1.5

Beer done right at Beer Works

After beginning my expedition through Lowell's bar with the Worthen and Charlie's Pub, I realized I needed a change of pace. That change was Beer Works and, though I've been there multiple times before, I knew it was worth a review.

Beer Works undoubtedly has the best beer selection I've seen thus far and I don't expect any other Lowell bars to surpass this place in that category. Looking at the sign showcasing their beers presented the overwhelming task of choosing from a list where everything seemed appealing.

Beer Works' panoply of beers changes by the season.

After much deliberation, the two beers I tried were pumpkin works ale and a nut brown ale. Comparing these two beers to the PBR and Miller Highlife I've been drinking at the previous bars is like comparing a five star restaurant to McDonald's.



Nut Brown Ale from Beer Works

Though the wide array of unique beers is the main draw for Beer Works, the bar is also a prime location to sit back and watch some sports. As a sports fan, it's always pleasing to see some flat screen TVs aligned on the wall behind the bar.


 I visited Beer Works in late September, but the winter months of hockey season are usually when the house is packed. Only a few minutes walk from the Tsongas, Beer Works is one of the best pre-game spots. And, there is the added benefit of pre-gaming with high quality beers as opposed to pounding Natty Ice in a cluttered apartment.

The atmosphere at Beer Works is very family oriented. Observing the seating area, it seemed like many people were either out on dates or part of group outings. I wouldn't call this a college bar aside from before a hockey game, but I definitely appreciated the vibe.


My only gripe with Beer Works is that it isn't very easy on the wallet for a college student. The two tall beers I ordered ended up costing $15. The quality clearly justifies the price, but sometimes it's more economical to explore other options. Personally, I use Beer Works as a reward for the completion of a hectic week and as a reminder to my palate that real beer does exist outside the realms of the UMass Lowell campus.

I'll probably revisit Beer Works in October, so here are some upcoming beers to look forward to.

Cheapness: 2.5
Beer Selection: 5
General Crowd: 3
Atmosphere: 3.5
Romantic Potential: 3.5